Not too long ago I stressed myself out pretty frequently. I made myself feel all of this pressure to be “transformative information”, meaning that whatever I spoke had to be packed with meaning which lead whoever I spoke with to some new understanding that made their life is some way… better. This is not a bad standard to hold yourself to for awhile, it certainly takes you to a place where at the very least, your worldview is expanded. However, I’m starting to find a way that is a bit more effective.
These days, I’m understanding that whatever I teach, whatever I speak into someone’s life doesn’t count for much as I’d like to think unless I’m involved in that person’s life and likewise that person is involved in my life. Being involved in a friend’s life in a way that is productive is no casual affair, there are two key components that are essential in order for relationships to thrive:
HEALTH. The health of your life that is observed rather than talked about speaks more volume than words ever could. When I say health, I’m not specifically talking about your physical well-being (although that does factor in), I am speaking of health in a more holistic sense, down to the last detail in fact. How well you manage money directly correlates to how many of your friends will seek you out for financial advice, or how equipped you are able to bail a friend out in a tough financial spot. Further, if you are involved in a serious relationship (married or not) and maintain the health of that relationship, it speaks to your friends and other observers of your life that you have a pretty decent handle on what it means to love and communicate with care the things that matter. This isn’t to say that your life must be perfect but the healthier it is the more equipped you are to pull the relationships in your life up and in the same way your friends that exhibit health in their life are able to pull you up through the hard times.
INTENTIONALITY. Once a premise is established for your relationship(s) (friend or otherwise) a degree of intentionality needs to occur. Relationships thrive when they are pursued with intention. Being intentional is so telling of how much care and value you have on any given relationship. If you don’t consistently make it a point to have significant conversations with your friendships they will quickly fall by the wayside and the premise established is betrayed and forgotten about. Intention goes beyond just maintaining consistency in the relationship, intention also is about being interested in a result. This isn’t to say that the result should be forced but I’m finding that the relationships I have that I value the most are the ones that I know have people that want to see something happen in me that is productive. This is shown when friends speak things into your life that are hard to hear but need to be said, when thought provoking questions are asked and when seemingly random kindness teaches you a lesson.
